I was still married when I flew to Iceland alone in 2016. I had no idea I was packing for a future version of me.
The hill I will die on is that women are God’s gift to the world. Seriously.
They give exceedingly generously to others: partners, spouses, children, pets, family members, friends, jobs, and the list goes on. But sadly, this is how we’ve been conditioned by society (ESPECIALLY if you’re an eldest daughter, like me).
It breaks my heart to see other women, especially the ones who are near and dear to me, forget about themselves and put everyone else’s needs above their own. They make everyone else’s birthdays special but get the bare minimum for theirs. They bend over backwards planning vacations around everyone else’s wishlist and forgo the things they want to do. They decline dinner invites with their girlfriends because there’s a family scheduling conflict. They go without, and all too often to the detriment of their own mental health, their physical health, and their emotional well-being.
I know this to be true because, once upon a time, I was there myself.
I was pouring an enormous amount of time and energy into my then-spouse, trying to be the ever-perfect wife (which I found to be impossible no matter how hard I tried) and the newly founded marketing consulting business that I was bound and determined would be a success. Add on teaching a master's-level college course during the spring, and I was on fumes. Something had to change.
Now let me tell you about Iceland…and how choosing to do something for myself changed the trajectory of my life.
I still remember the intensely curious feeling I had back in early summer 2016 as I read a post on my favorite lifestyle blog, A Beautiful Mess. The two sisters, Emma and Elsie, pivoted from their regular content of DIY crafts, cooking, and fashion, and wrote a recap of their most recent trip to Iceland. I really didn’t know anything at all about Iceland (except it was really damn cold). But the more I read, the more fascinated I became. And the stronger the pull to visit became.
My 35th birthday was coming up, and I didn’t want it to suck (see the bare minimum above). I had just finished teaching my spring track at St. Bonaventure, so I had some extra cash to blow. Even though I really wanted this trip to be on my own, I invited my then-husband to join me. He turned me down. Secretly, I wasn’t so sad.
And then, one plane ticket later, I knocked over the first domino in my incredible solo travel journey.
I’m not sure if my brain had really registered the fact that I was going to another country all by myself, but I never felt nervous booking my flights and accommodations. I was excited… and liberated.
Yet, my trip didn’t come without a fair share of judgment. I remember sharing my plans with friends and family. Most reactions were supportive excitement. Others got a funny look and a suspicious “okkkaaayy…” and an assumption that there was trouble in paradise (and they weren’t wrong…there was).
But I didn’t care and went anyway because I wanted to live life for myself and no one else. For once, I was choosing me.
Then, as I was sitting on the runway at Toronto Pearson Airport, the panic set in.
“What the f*ck am I doing?”
Fortunately, that feeling only lasted for about 5-10 minutes, and then I accepted the fact that there was no turning back and I needed to sit back and enjoy the ride.
And enjoy turned into a massive understatement. Iceland was more magical than I could have ever imagined (you can read all of my Iceland posts here). And yes, I took several recommendations from Emma and Elsie, including the most out-of-this-world potato pizza.
I can’t imagine if I’d been too scared to go. OR believed that I could only take cool trips with my spouse.
Years later, after my marriage hit the skids and the ink had dried on the divorce papers, I was never so profoundly grateful that I did something just for me. I have all of those moments and memories all to myself and never felt like I needed to suppress them because I shared them with the wrong person. And man, did I look happy in those pics.
Little did I know that making that decision to go by myself would turn me into a traveling fool and eventually be the key to my healing journey when my marriage ended.
Now look, do I recommend that you jet off to a foreign country every time you get into a fight with your spouse or when your marriage is on the rocks? Of course not.
My point is that whether you're single or partnered, don’t stop doing the things that feed your soul. Don’t constantly put everyone else’s needs above your own. Allow yourself to have wonderful experiences and memories that are ALL yours. And it may look very different than my crazy solo travel shenanigans. Take a painting class, go to a wine tasting, hit up the beach, spend the afternoon at a new coffee shop with a good book.
Because, as I’ve learned the brutally hard way, that person may not always be in your life for reasons beyond your control. Then what?
And it doesn’t matter what you do, you’re always going to get judgment from someone, whether it’s well-intended or not. You have to practice discernment with a ninja-esque discipline, or else you're doing nothing but living your life according to someone else’s standards or fears. We choose whose fear gets a vote in our lives.
Fear is never going to be absent in anything new you do, or anytime you do something for yourself. Let it come along for the ride, but don’t let it drive.
Don’t wait until your heart, mind, and spirit are completely depleted. Solo travel may not be your way to refuel, but as I’m living proof, it’s one hell of a place to start.
And if this in any way tingles something inside of you that wants to go travel all for yourself, I’ve got your back. Join me in the Solo Travel Sisterhood, a free, supportive, good-vibes community for women who feel the pull of the world and are working up the courage, confidence, and plan to answer it. You don’t have to book anything today. You just have to show up.
If I could say one thing to “2016 Megan” it would be THANK YOU for taking that first trip to Iceland…against the fear, against the judgment, against the odds. What a badass.
So, where’s your version of Iceland? Tell me the place that keeps calling you that you haven’t answered yet. 👇
P.S. — Next week, The Belong to Where You Are Podcast OFFICIALLY launches! Episodes 1 & 2 go live on Tuesday, October 13, with new episodes released every Tuesday after. Check out the trailer now and also listen on Apple and Spotify.